A lot of riders battle confidence problems every time they mount. They fear the worst. Yet, they gird their loins while holding their breath, mount their horse, and hope it will be a safe, fun ride. There is a huge release of tension and a feeling of satisfaction when the dismount is voluntary.

From the start, let me say that nobody should feel bad or apologize for having fear issues. They are real and not to be trivialized. And an appropriate level of fear is even desirable because it will help a rider make smart decisions and give more consideration to how a horse is feeling. A little bit of fear makes a person a better horse person.

But some people’s level of fear becomes debilitating and gets in the way of their horsemanship. I do not judge people who carry a lot of worry. However, personally I would not ride a horse that scared the hell out of me. I am not an adrenalin junkie.

Overcoming a confidence problem is not easy and can be a long, slow process. I’m not an expert or a sports psychologist to be giving advice. So consider these thoughts with some skepticism.

I’ve worked with people and horses a long time. One thing I have noticed is that surviving a ride is not enough to overcome fearfulness. It’s not enough to get on a horse, survive the ride and then expect to feel braver and more confident the next time. You actually have to feel good and positive about the ride. You have to have achieved emotional comfort from the ride in order for the next ride to be less stressful.

In my experience, confidence comes from achievement. Ride with a plan and feel good by achieving a result closer to what you intended.

For example, if you are afraid of riding on a trail perhaps begin by riding through the arena gate. Then stop and turn back to the arena before your confidence starts to fall apart. It doesn’t matter if the ride is 5km or 5m. Repeat this over days, weeks, or months until riding out the gate does not feel like a challenge. Then extend the ride a little further before heading back to the arena. Each ride should feel like a success and not just something you survived.

If you are afraid of jumping, you could start by learning to balance in the jumping position while walking your horse around the arena. When that feels comfortable build towards a trot and later a canter. Progress from this to doing it over a ground pole. Eventually, repeat the exercise to a pole 50mm off the ground. And so on. Don’t proceed to the next stage until you are comfortable. Before you know it, you are jumping a 120cm oxer and triple bars and water jumps.

Does this strategy sound a little familiar?

When I ride a horse that lacks confidence on the trail I might ride through the arena gate. Then stop and turn back before my horse’s confidence starts to fall apart. It doesn’t matter if the ride is 5km or 5m. I would repeat this over days, weeks, or months until riding out the gate does not feel like a challenge to my horse. Then I would extend the ride a little further before heading back to the arena. Each ride should feel like a success to my horse and not just something it survived.

Building a horse’s confidence should come in increments and each ride should end with the horse feeling emotionally comfortable rather than feeling “thank goodness it’s over and I survived.”

Yesterday I was giving a video lesson to a rider in the US. In the background was a trainer using a flag to make a horse do what the trainer wanted. The horse was resistant because it carried fear and lacked confidence at being circled. The trainer chose to ignore the horse’s genuine concerns. Instead, he decided he would make it more afraid of not lunging than it was of lunging. We tried to ignore it and focus on the lesson, but we found it very disturbing.

It’s perplexing that some people expect more of their horse than they are prepared to offer themselves. When a rider has fears most trainers can think through a strategy that will help improve a rider’s confidence. They will break the lesson into small steps and build confidence at each step along the way. But when a horse reacts to its fears and resists a trainer’s ideas some people forget the same compassion they would want to be offered to them if the situation was reversed.

I wonder if horses were the paying customers and riders were sent for training if things would be different.