A few days ago a friend shared with me their heart break at the death of their beloved dog.

Horses are a gift in our life. In fact, most of the creatures we share our lives with are a gift. The pleasure they bring us far outweighs the financial burden and the sometimes inconveniences that come with the responsibility of ownership.

They bring so much happiness, but unfortunately, they also bring so much grief. I am specifically thinking of the grief that comes with death.

The arrival of our horses and our other beloved animals enrich our lives so much that it is sometimes hard to come to terms with the emotional price of losing them.

This is made far worse by the situations where the decision to end their life is in our hands. We don’t tend to debate for too long about the decision to end a horse’s suffering when they have a catastrophic accident. The grief is still sharp and painful, but the decision in favour of a humane death is pretty clear. However, when a horse is experiencing a slow and lingering journey towards death most of us struggle with figuring out the right time. Actually, I think “struggle” is the wrong word. I think “agonize” is a more accurate description. It’s horrible.

I have had enough horses and pets in my life to develop my own philosophy on the subject of deciding when to euthanize an animal I love. These views are specifically in regards to animals that are heading towards their end due to illness or aging and not in cases where the suffering is so great and obvious that any caring human would not need to hesitate over the decision. I want to point out that they are my views and for me only. They may be irrelevant to you or your circumstances. I make no judgment on how other people choose to deal with the decision to put a beloved animal down.

Firstly, if possible I would prefer to do the euthanization myself. I know some people think that is very strange, but I have been the carer of my animals during their life and it is important that I be their carer at the end of it. This is so important to me. There have been a few times when it was not possible to be the one holding the syringe, but even in those cases, I have always insisted on being present to say goodbye.

Secondly, I realize there is no instant that demarcates the exact right moment when it is time to say goodbye during a slow demise of an animal. There are no signs to tell us that yesterday was too soon, but today is the right time. We each come to a decision when we feel we don’t want to see our precious horse/pet suffer any further. It is a judgment call that is personal to each of us.

But this is where the difficulty arises.

We control the timing of euthanization based on the way we feel. We hold off on the decision and do everything possible to delay the inevitable until we feel it is crunch time. We wait until we feel it would be cruel to put it off any longer. This is why I believe very few people euthanize their horse too early and I suspect most people do it too late. We wait until we feel the suffering is becoming too much to tolerate. Often times it is because we don’t want to watch our animals suffer anymore rather than looking at the situation as a bystander who is emotionally detached. I know this because I have been guilty of this behaviour myself. I don’t want to say goodbye so much that I wait until it upsets me too much to watch the suffering anymore. If I had been able to detach myself from my feelings I might have eased the suffering a lot sooner.

I believe most people wait too long to euthanize an animal on the downward slope. I have never come across anybody who was faced with the situation and felt they had not waited long enough. Everybody waits until the last possible moment when they feel the animal’s condition is making the decision for them. This is perfectly understandable, but I believe most of us do it for selfish reasons and not always in the best interest of our friend.

I certainly believe there are worse things a horse can suffer than a humane death. If I could be certain that I knew the moment when a horse’s life transitioned from "life is okay" to "death is a better option", then there would be a lot less anguish over the decision of when to call the vet and a lot less guilt during the subsequent grieving process.

It is not for me to tell people how they should handle their horse’s “end of life” situation. But I wrote this essay in the hope that maybe people would prepare a little better for what they know is eventually coming and think hard about the decisions they will have to make. Maybe examine their own motivation behind their decisions and whether their love and fear of grief skew their decision-making.

I believe the onus of responsibility to care for our horses (and our animals) at the end of their life is just as strong as it is to care for them throughout their life. Always asking myself, “What is in their best interest?”