This was originally written and posted in 2013 on my FB page. I hope you enjoy it.

A few years ago I was responding to a question on a horseman list on the internet. In response to one particular question I made an inadvertent and off-the-cuff remark to the effect that it wasn't my desire to have my horse "plodding around like an old pack horse." This seems to have raised the hackles of at least one subscriber and a long letter was sent to me by e-mail. I have inserted the letter below for the benefit of those who (like me) do not put pack horses on the highest possible pedestal.

Dear Mr Jacobs

I am the chairman of a club on the north coast of New South Wales (Australia) near the town of Yamba. Our members are largely made up of working and ex-working packhorses. We call ourselves Pack Horses of North Yamba (P.H.O.N.Y.). I am writing in response to your letter that described pack horses as "plodders".

Your statement inferred pack horses are lazy, unreliable and not much use for any serious work. We PHONYs object and resent your assertions and immediately demand a public apology. It is people like you who tar pack horses with false and misleading accusations that give our members a bad name. Your views are based on untruths and ignorance and unless you make a thorough effort to research the truth you should make no comment on matters you know nothing about. 

I wish to relate a story that will highlight your ignorance and I hope will make some progress in reforming your uninformed views regarding pack horses.

An incident was recently reported to us of a group of PHONYs who were responsible for saving the life of a stupid and ignorant human. A man had borrowed four of our members to trek to the other side of a mountain ridge. Why he was doing this we can't be sure. But it has been our observation over the years that humans have a need to see over the other side of mountains even though the water is clear and the grass is excellent where they had come from. Nevertheless, members of PHONY are loyal to the core and despite having to lug many hundreds of kilograms of totally useless equipment like sleeping bags and camp ovens, the four PHONYs followed the wishes of the human on horseback without questioning his intelligence or motives.

PHONYs are trained from an early age that family is everything in life and loyalty to the herd is what is most valued among PHONY members. So it is not surprising at what happened next. 

As the group neared the top of the ridge the leading PHONY spotted a snake on the track ahead. He immediately became aware that the dull witted riding horse that was carrying the human had not seen the danger and knew once more that it fell to a PHONY to take action. 

Realizing his responsibilities and being the dutiful PHONY that he was, he followed standard operating procedures outlined in the PHONY manual (1997, page 106, section 5.1b). He propped himself immediately and raised his neck and head. This was followed by the mandatory pointing of the eyes and ears towards the snake. The manual then calls for a flaring of the nostrils, followed by a sharp blowing of air through the nasal passages and a lifting of the tail. This is meant to alert the other members that something is wrong and that they should follow whatever action the lead PHONY may take. At this point the lead PHONY decided that he should invoke rule 5.3.1c of the PHONY manual (1997) that states "When in doubt, run." This he did.

At this point I would like to make it clear that all members of PHONY involved in the incident (and particularly the lead PHONY) did exactly what was required of them and what followed was entirely the fault of the stupid human who took it upon himself not to follow the standard operating procedures outlined in the PHONY manual (1997). 

When members of the troop took to following the lead PHONY and escape as fast as possible, the dull-witted riding horse finally realized that something was wrong and decided to take action and follow the others example. 

Now some may say that the human was brave while others may say he was stupid. In any case, the man made the choice to stay and fight the snake. As his riding horse took off, the man somersaulted off the back. No doubt the somersault was his attempt to showoff his prowess and bravado in an effort to intimidate the snake. But as often happens when humans foolishly try to demonstrate their skills (or lack of, in this case), the man did not land on his feet as he no doubt meant, but landed on his head instead. On hitting the ground with a thud, the man was heard to scream at the horses. Apparently, it was difficult to make out the actual words but his shouting was interrupted by our members to be encouragement to run as fast as they could and save themselves - which they did. The man and the snake were left in the wake of the horse’s dust. The bravery of the man has been recorded in the incident report, which is held at the club.

For the sake of honesty and truth, I should point out that the lead PHONY had galloped the others to a safe distance some 5 km away where the group had come to a stop. It was at this point that the riding horse mentioned that he didn't think the snake was really a snake. He reported that he thought it was actually a stick. This caused some debate and consternation amongst the PHONY members, but it was finally agreed by all that it was in fact a very snake-like looking stick and that anybody in the same position would have assumed it was in fact a 40 foot long, deadly horse-eating snake with 8 inch fangs and 3 heads. 

But the fact that the object may not have been a snake is not the point. What is important to remember is that if the stick had been a snake it was a member of PHONY who would have saved the lives of the group. If it had been up to the stupid human or his equally stupid riding horse, who knows what catastrophe would have befallen the entire party.

This incident is only one example among hundreds where the bravery, intelligence and loyalty of pack horses shines through. Each and everyday pack horses all over the country and throughout the world are saving lives, bringing joy and adding to the quality of life of so many. We at PHONY expect an immediate public apology from you for defaming the character of pack horses and hope you will change your tone from now on.

Yours sincerely,

Shorty Withers

Head PHONY