TRAINING PRODUCTS AVAILABLE NOW!!!
I am re-publishing an article I wrote a few years ago. I hope you will enjoy this lighthearted jab.
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I have noticed my commercial success is lagging behind many other clinicians in the horsemanship arena. So in an effort to catch up with some of my peers in both popularity and money making gains I have decided to offer some premium training products, which I am announcing here for the first time.
A lot of work and high tech design has gone into making available the latest training aids that will ensure both a happy relationship between you and your horse and also the best in performance. You’ll be the envy of those without these brilliantly innovative products.
Here are just a sample of some of the training aids that we have released and announcing here today. Your horse will love them.
1. First up is the “Focus Appler”. This is for people who have trouble getting and keeping their horse’s attention. It is a costume worn by the rider or handler made of the latest high tech material from NASA to withstand horses and small children nibbling. It comes in different varieties. For the gentleman we have Jonathan apples. The younger ladies can choose the Pink Lady apple costume. And for the more mature ladies we are certain the Granny Smith will be a favourite.
Your horses will be immediately attracted to it and their attention fixed on you with loving eyes. It’s a must for those horses with busy minds that just can’t seem to hold a thought. The photo shows David and James demonstrating the pre-production version of our Pink Lady costume.
2. Next on offer is for the rider that is left hand/right hand challenged. We will be selling quality reins – a red coloured left rein and a blue coloured right rein. No longer will you have to think hard which rein to use when your instructor yells at you “more right rein.” From now on they will just say “red rein” or “blue rein” It is guaranteed to take the stress out choosing which rein to use. We are expecting this to be particularly popular with the kiddies and riders with a drug problem.
3. Another item we have in production at the present is the “HQ Disengagement Aid”.
You know how when you go to a clinic and during the groundwork the instructor tells you to poke your horse in the sides when you ask it to disengage the hindquarters? Then you when you sit in the saddle and try to do it the horse gets so confused because your hand is not available to poke it in the side anymore. Well the HQDA is the perfect solution.
The HQDA is perfect replica of the human hand mounted on an extendable poll. The hands are so life-like that we guarantee your horse won’t be able to tell the difference between it and the real thing because the hands are obtained from human cadavers and processed by a master taxidermist.
The polls are telescopic and can extend from 100mm (4inches) to 1200mm (4 feet). It comes with a clip that will fit on your belt, the waistband of your jodhpurs and in a shirt pocket.
When you wish to disengage your horse’s hindquarters simply reach for your HQDA and extend it to the required length with a flick of your wrist, then reach down to poke your horse in the flank with the fingers. It couldn’t be simpler and will bring absolutely clarity and consistency when transferring your groundwork to the saddle.
The HQDA will be available with left hands or right hands. Please specific your preference when ordering.
4. And lastly this is my favourite and sure to be popular with the dressage enthusiasts.
It is a golden rule of riding the dressage horse that when riding a corner or a circle that the rider applies inside leg and outside rein. Without this vitally important aid to riding a curve any respectable dressage horse couldn’t possibly change direction and would be doomed forever to travelling in straight lines. Well to take the headache out of changing directions and riding circles I have invented the “Outside Rein” (patent pending).
The Outside Rein is designed to help even the toughest horse get around the tightest corner. When preparing to change of direction or negotiating a corner/circle simply spur or kick the guts out of your horse with your inside leg and rip them a new smile by pulling on the Outside Rein.
We gave the Outside Rein to some of the world’s top dressage competitors to road test the heck out of it. Here is just one of the enthusiastic comments we received back:
“I love it. The Outside Rein does everything it promises and more. I’m even thinking of getting two of them so I’ll be able to turn left as well as right.” – Uri Upmyself.
The Outside Rein can be customized to be used in conjunction with our coloured rein product line. It is available in leather, natural fibre or synthetic material.
At present we only have available the Outside Rein suitable for use in dressage arenas. However, we are presently developing a model that will be suitable for use outside of the arena. Keep watching for that exciting announcement.
I hope you’ll agree that there are some exciting products in the pipeline that will help riders and horses get along better and perform better. It’s even possible that some of these training aids might put us clinicians out of a job.
David and James are modelling our very popular Pink Lady Focus Appler costume intended for the younger equestrian with horses that are tricky to catch and hard to keep their focus.